Life Could be Easier
by kattiarose
Summary: Sam's having trouble concentrating because of her feelings for Jack. He confronts her about it, and they break some rules.


Life Could be Easier

By kattia_rose

Disclaimer: I don't own Stagate SG-1, or any of the characters.

Spoilers: Season 4: Point of View, 100 days, and the episode from season 1 when the Tollan are brought to the SGC, I can't remember the name.

Author's notes: I tried to stay as true to the characters, but I had to stretch in some places.Let me know what you think, good, bad, or so-so.

PS: this may be the last one till mid Jan.I'll do my best, but I can't upload from home.

Enjoy...

Life was always easier when she didn't have to worry about love.She'd never had any.She didn't have to worry about getting to close to anyone.To someone who would hurt her.She dealt with so much crap everyday; she didn't need some guy playing with her heart or her mind.She could go out and have fun and forget everything the next day, and never worry about seeing theguy again, heartache or any kind of shit that comes along with being with someone.She could go into work and pretend like she didn't need a soul in the world.But then... She started needing someone.It came unexpectedly, before she could realize what was happening, it was too late.She'd fallen, hard.

She hated the feeling, to need someone.To need someone as much as she needed him.She didn't want to accept it.She also didn't want to accept that she liked the way her heart beat faster when he was around.She liked the way her stomach flipped when he addressed her. She didn't want to love him but she did, that was why she knew that this really was love.

He was a jerk sometimes, and he said some of the most hurtful things to her, never directly to her, mind you, but everything he could say affected her in some way.He was much, much older than her as well. And sometimes she had to admit that it grossed her out to think that he'd probably lost his virginity before she was even born.And still... she died everyday she didn't see him.

The worst part was knowing that he returned her feelings, and they still couldn't act on them.Not even a kiss.They had a relationship where any kind of sign would totally disrupt their entire way of life.They worked together, and not only are office romances always doomed to end badly with hard feelings, except maybe in the wonderful world of "ER" or "Buffy" or something totally false. But at their office, romance was very, _very_ illegal.

She lay in her bed at her home away from home at the SGC.She stared at the gray ceiling, as she thought about her situation.She sighed, as she reclined with her hands behind her head.There was a knock at her door.

"Come in," she called.Looking up she recognized the gray haired head that was stuck into her room.She couldn't get away from him for a second.

"Major Carter?The briefing's about to start." 

"Thanks Colonel," she said quietly getting off her bed.

"Everything all right Major?" he asked coming into the room.

"Sir?" she looked up at him, hoping he couldn't read her thoughts.

"You look tired Major.Not sleeping well?I need my men... er, people ready for anything."Colonel O'Neill sat down on the bed."Anything I can help with?"

Carter sighed again, if only he knew. "Just thinkin'"

"Ah, 'nough said," O'Neill said."You do so much of that, I'm surprised you sleep at all."

"Hmm.. The briefing sir?We're going to be late." She headed for the door.

He found himself sighing too, "Right, Major, as always."

"So what do think we're going to find on this new planet, P4X... uh.."Jack scratched his head.

"283?" Samantha Carter asked.

"That's the one," Jack exclaimed loudly.He waited for Carter to answer his question but it was clear that Carter was somewhere else."Carter? Carter?"He touched her shoulder as she strode before him.She spun around to face him. Her eyes full of shock.

"Sorry?What were you saying?" she asked.

"Carter, are you all right?I've asked you this before and you didn't give me a straight answer.Now, I want to know what's up." He stood in her path with his arms crossed, a stubborn look on his face.

"Sir, it's nothing.Really." She sighed and rubbed her temple."I just have a lot on my mind."

"Then maybe you should lighten the load."Jack suggested.

"No sir, I just need to deal with this myself." Carter said, shaking her head.

"I know you, you suffer in silence.The only one you're hurting is you." Jack said as he unwillingly let Carter push past him.

"Sir, I know you're only trying to help, but this you can't help with." she walked away from him, desperately hoping that he wouldn't follow, but he did.

"Why not?" Colonel O'Neill persisted.

"Because!" Major Carter couldn't think of anything else to say.

"That's your argument? 'Because!'" O'Neill was now totally sure that there was something wrong with his friend."I don't buy it.I don't care what you say, Carter, you are going to talk to me."

"No matter what I say?" Carter asked trying to bury herself in her papers as they walked down the hallway."Then I don't have to tell the truth?" She asked hoping to distract him enough for her to escape.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." O'Neill said stubbornly.

"Sir, there is nothing you can do!" she saw her office door coming up and was ready to duck in as soon as they came up to it.

"I don't buy that, either," Jack said, keeping up with her.He too saw her office looming ahead, knowing her, she would probably try to escape him by ducking in there.He wouldn't let her."Major, you are going to talk to me if it kills you!"He pushed her office door open and held his hand out at a gesture for her to entire.No escape for Carter now.

Carter sighed and walked she walked into the room.She would have to lie.That was the only thing she could do to get the Colonel off her back.Telling the truth was not an option.She just hoped her acting skills were good enough to keep him in the dark

Carter sat down at her desk and began to riffle through her papers.She pretended O'Neill wasn't there. But she couldn't keep that up long, not with the Colonel staring at her like that.

"Ok, are you going to talk to me or are we just going to sit here like this all say?" he asked her, not moving from the chair on the other side of her desk.

"Sir, it's no big deal." Carter said, not looking at him.

"If it's no big deal then why not tell me.If it's no big deal then why hide it?" He asked.

Carter sighed; he did have a point.

"Carter you are going to tell me." he insisted.

She sighed again, here goes nothing: "Sir, it's you."

"What?"

"You,"

'Me?" It took him a second before he realized what she was implying. "Oh."

"So that's it.Can I get to work now?"

At first Jack was going to let her go without a word, but then he changed his mind. "So... uh do you want to talk about it?" He asked trying to keep to the hope out of his face.

"No,"

"Carter," He tried to look into her eyes to see what she was thinking. She kept her face turned away from him."C'mon, you can't keep this locked up inside."

"Yes sir I can.It's what I've always done, I'm not going to stop now." she replied.

"Then I'm just going to stay here until you want to talk." He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Rrrr," Carter grumbled, frustrated.She tried to work but Jack's eyes on her made her nervous.Finally she put her pencil down and sat back.She looked at Colonel O'Neill, "All right, what do you want to know?"

"I want to know what's up with you, why all of a sudden you're on the moon all the time." Jack said leaning forward, looking into Carter's eyes."You said it was me, but I don't think I understand.I don't understand what's going on with you most of the time anyway, but I think this is something I'll understand if you explain it to me.As long as it's in layman's terms, that is.If you just take the time to talk to me, I can maybe try to fix it.Whatever it is that's bothering you." Jack finally stopped his ramblings.Carter had an amused smile on her face.She still didn't want to talk about her feelings, knowing it would affect their relationship, but she had to admire him for his persistence.

"Sir, it's hard to explain.I've felt like this for a long time, but it's suddenly, I donno, flared up or something." She sighed and met his eyes.She found that she was unable to tare herself away from those soft brown eyes.They looked into her, those eyes that had seen some many horrible things and still were gentle when it came to somebody important."There, I said it." She leaned back, relieved.

"Felt like what?" O'Neill asked intrigued.

Carter was at a loss for words.She thought a moment then put a hand to her chest, over her heart.She hoped the gesture would be clear enough for him to understand. He looked at her hand, or the same area that her hand was in, for a moment, then looked up into her eyes.He got up and walked around to her side of the desk.He took her face in his hands.He moved his face closer to hers but she backed away.

"No," She said."If we do this we can never go back. Not ever." She pulled away from his grasp.He stood silently, looking rather disappointed."I can't believe I'm telling you this.God, You can't understand how I felt when I watched you kiss _her_." She shook her head as she re-lived the moment.She got up and walked around to the other side of the table.

"'Her?'" O'Neill asked, dumbfounded.

"Samantha Carter," Jack lifted his eyebrow, wasn't she Samantha Carter? Carter continued when she saw O'Neill's face: "Samantha Carter, when she and Major Kawalsky came through the mirror that Daniel found three years ago." 

Jack looked at her, so she had seen that.He remembered 

how her lips had tasted, how soft they were. He also remembered how he'd wondered if his Carter's lips were the same.He looked at her and realized how close he'd come to finding out just two seconds ago.

"And Lara.I know I didn't see anything go on between you, but just knowing was enough to make me...nuts." Carter couldn't believe she was telling him all this.She had to admit she felt a huge weight lifted from her shoulders."And I know that you shouldn't ...you know... just because there was... is maybe a little something between us."She let the air whoosh out of her lungs; there she'd said it. 

Jack stood there, silently, his mind running around in circles.She felt something for him, and she admit it, and seeing him with another woman turned her inside out, and, and, and, and she felt something for him.He slowly came up next to her.He touched her shoulder. She turned to him to see confusion in his eyes."Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"I, uh, I knew it would affect our working relationship as well as our friendship.I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of my work, but then it started to, and well you know the rest." She shrugged.

"Sam," he tilted her head up so he could look into her beautiful blue eyes.He tried to kiss her, but she put her fingers to his lips.

"No, Colonel O'Neill, we both know this can't happen.Our total relationship will be ruined.If we do anything, we can't go back and change it." Despite what she said, which she knew made sense, she silently willed him to shut his mind to reason and continue how he was.She pulled her hand away from his face, but O'Neill caught it up and kissed it.She tingled as the touch of his lips.

"I know," he said into her palm.

"Jack, the regulations we're breaking.What will General Hamond do if he finds out?" Of course Sam didn't' really mean what she said.

"I know," he said again. He dropped her hand and cupped her cheek."I know this is wrong, but that's never stopped me before." Carter smiled, Jack nearly melted. He gently lowered his head and let his lips brush hers. Carter thought her heart would stop.Colonel O'Neill kissed her bottom lip. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that?" he asked.

"As long as I have?" she responded breathlessly.

"Longer," he kissed her fully on the lips.It was a sweet open-mouthed kiss, not French, but expressive all the same.

She finally pulled away, "Stop," she put her hands on his chest."This is wrong, and you know it.We could lose our jobs." Jack knew she was right, but he couldn't think.He wouldn't let her get away. He pulled her to him again, kissed her sweetly again, reveling in her taste. General Hamond didn't have to find out.She pulled away again and was about to protest, when she felt a cool emptiness on her lips.The desire to kiss Jack was too strong to overcome and she pulled him into a hot lip lock.Jack was caught off guard by how forward Sam was being.He fell against her desk.He quickly recovered and returned her kiss.Jack, supported by her desk, held Carter's body pressed close to his.

Sam ran her hands through the Colonel's hair at the nape of his neck.Her hands roamed over his shoulders, she loved feeling of his body against hers.She opened her mouth as she felt his tongue huge at her lips. She knew all they were doing was wrong, and yet that didn't make her want to stop, in fact, it made her kiss Colonel O'Neill even harder.In response to her passion, Jack let his hands travel the length of her body.He pushed away from the desk, using his body weight he pinned her against the wall.

Their kiss deepened, despite what her morals and her brain was telling her, Carter pushed her pelvis into Jack's.Shivers ran up and down her spine as she felt his hands touch her ass. His lips moved from hers down her neck.She tried to resist but the words wouldn't come.She knew if they didn't stop now, then... well, there would be a huge price to pay, not just to General Hamond, but to herself and Colonel O'Neill.He began to unbutton her blue fatigues. 

"No," Jack ignored her."No!" she yelled using all her force to push the senior officer off of her.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Colonel, we can't do this.As much as I want to it's wrong." She said, moving away.

"Samantha, I know you're right." He said, watching her back away.He couldn't help being hurt that Sam had resisted, no matter how much he knew she was right."But, I'm in love with you, doesn't that mean anything?" He asked sinking into his chair.

"Jack, I feel the same way, but are you willing to give up your job to... to do that?" She gestured to the wall where she had been pinned not too long ago. O'Neill followed her gaze; he looked at the papers that had fallen during the heat of their passion."I didn't think so." She said, a cold edge to her voice.She couldn't help the pain that pierced her chest at Jack's reaction, even if her reaction would be the same."Let's just forget this ever happened." She resolved.She sat down across from him.

Colonel O'Neill sat there for a long time, staring off into space.Then he stood and walked to the door.With his hand on the handle, he turned and looked at her."We can say this never happened but we'll always know ourselves.I know it sucks, but there ya go, that's the way it is.I'm in love with you and that isn't going to change." He started through the door.

"Colonel O'Neill, this is going to be hard, and we've gone so far already, everything has changed."Carter didn't want her friend to leave everything like this."Look, I'm sorry this had to happen, but it did-"

"Why?" Jack cut her off."Why are you sorry?"

"I uh, I donno, because everything's different between us now.You're going away mad, " 

"I'm not mad." He urged rushing back to Carter's side."I'm not mad at all, not at you anyway.I, I'm the one who should be sorry; I let myself get out of control.Ok, I take that back, I'm not sorry at all."

Carter blinked. "You aren't?"

"Huh-un." He shook his head.He caught her off guard and pressed his lips to hers.She didn't have time to respond, because the door swung open

"Whoops," Daniel said, looking rather uncomfortable.

"You do that a lot," Sam commented, referring to the time Daniel walked in on Sam and Nareem, the Tollan, when him and his people were staying at the SGC.She chuckled, shaking her head."What's up Daniel?" she asked.Her lips tingles from a lack of Jack's lips.She was glad for the distraction because she knew she didn't have the energy or the will power to stop him again if he'd gotten started again.

"We'll talk later," the Colonel whispered in her ear.He patted Daniel on the back as he exited the room.Daniel and Carter could hear him whistling as he walked down the hall.

"What was that about?" Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows at her, 

"Nothing, nothing." Carter smiled inwardly, she involuntarily brought her hand to her lips.


End file.
